Friday, October 18, 2013

I Think It's Time for a Breakup

Dear phone,

I'm afraid we've come to the point where a breakup is in store, but I don't know how to tell you. You may already know, as I slipped up the day and visited the online store of my cell phone provider on your browser, so I guess I may as well come clean. I'm considering terminating our relationship.

I know, you've become a big part of my life and that's one of the reasons I feel I need to move on. You go with me everywhere and keep tabs on everything I do. You interrupt my meals, entertain me when I'm between tasks, help me keep in touch with my friends, remind me of important events, give me music when I'm mowing or shopping and make me feel safer on the road.

But Dude, you're also letting me down.

Look at you. You're scratched and you've got a big crack down the left side of your screen that practically hides the whole left column of Words With Friends. Sure, that's partly my fault and I realize you took those injuries with me. But you'd think Gorilla Glass could stand being dropped on asphalt a few more times than that. Come on. I thought you were tough.

Granted, never during any of those falls did your battery pop out, not only ending the call but sending me crawling around in the grass on the shoulder of the road to find it and your back. But still... You're not the only phone that can do that you know

While I love your compact size and the fact that you fit easily into my pocket, I think a bigger screen might be easier on my eyes. Don't say it. I know. Size isn't everything and there was a time when I chose your size over larger models. A bigger phone will be harder to carry around. But it may also be harder to misplace. Especially in some color other than black.

And we both have to admit it. Neither of us have the memory we once did. But while mine is something I have to live with, yours isn't. What's happened to you that all of a sudden your SD card is full? Really. You'll only hold like nine pictures and three short video clips. When I want to capture the moment, you come up with an "SD card full" message. What kind of crap is that? And you've never been much at holding on to my music collection. I mean seriously, Christmas is just around the corner and if I want seasonal tunes I'll have to remove something. That's just awful.

I know, your memory has never been the greatest. My old phone held a ton of apps that I've never persuaded you to accept. I had to delete a couple just to squeeze in Words. Your memory has been full so many times I've deleted program updates, unsynced apps and everything I could think of or that the phone tech could recommend and you're still giving me the same messages and warnings. I'm tired of the drama. You should be able to embrace my world, not limit it.

But my biggest problem is one we've always had and that's your camera. Don't tell me you're a phone, not a camera. You're supposed to be a smart phone, which is more than either of those things. But your pictures tend to suck. Sure, once in a great while, if the light is perfect and no one moves, I can capture the moment (or at least I could until this memory stuff kicked up), but seriously. Blurs, flashpoint eyes, and dark images are the rule with you, not the exception.

You do realize that because you're with me all the time I shouldn't need to carry a camera, don't you? And I have three little girls who are forever doing adorable things that you won't let me photograph and share with their mom at work or all my friends who may or may not want to see them. That's part of your function in life and you just aren't getting the job done.

So I'm going to come clean with you. I've been looking at some on-line profiles and there are phones out there that seem capable of holding up their end of the relationship. They have bigger memories, room for expansion and 8+ mp cameras. You know how often I've looked at the great pictures the iPhone takes. Well, my carrier has those now. I know, I didn't want to get into that kind of relationship, but all of you Androids have been lacking a little. I think I could adjust.

I hope you're not going to go all difficult on me now that the end is near. You've been a good phone and we've had a good run, but face it. These things never do last. I'm sure I'll have problems with a new phone, too. None of you are perfect. Just always remember that, up until now, you've been the best.



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