Grief Has to Chase Me, I'm Running on Joy

I've found that this summer is giving me little time for anything beyond living in the moment.

I've decided that's not bad.

So I blog when I have a few moments to be at a computer and be introspective, which isn't as often as it is when there isn't a bag of cucumbers in the refrigerator, a roll of turf still waiting to be wrestled by the driveway, a yard that needs mowing, and wild blackberries singing their siren song from road banks and unmowed fields nearby.

Grief has to chase me down, which doesn't mean it doesn't happen, but it has to catch me alone with nothing to do, and that's a difficult task. I know it's hovering nearby, so I'm not ignoring it and still find myself with a tear in my eye at moments when I'm not wanting to deal with smeared makeup.

Joy, still random, is easier. I'm a summer person. I thrive on everything around me and I'm already cringing at the thought of cold weather.

So I store up my joy. There may be days in the months ahead when the light is short and the weather cold when I'll pull out these writings to shore myself up and remind myself that summer comes full of heat and sweat and laughs and pool time and work.

1. Sisterly love. When E2 had what sounded like a horrible fall in the driveway, and I scooped her up to pack her banged head in ice, it wasn't long before her two sisters came to pet and love on her and see how badly she was hurt. Sweet touches from other little hands and a smoochy kiss from the baby. She was back to playing amazingly soon and despite a skinned nose, the bruise was never as bad as I expected.

2. Watching/listening to "Frozen" for the fourth(?) time this week while we drove to therapy in Winston. The big Es and I were engaged in a discussion comparing them to the princesses in the movie. E1 is obviously Elsa, who has a different power that sometimes causes her to do mean things -- her SPD. It's something she is learning to control, not by ignoring it, but by working on it. E2 is Anna, her little sister, who loves her despite it. (E3, not part of the discussion, is another Elsa.) We talked about how Elsa's parents misunderstood and didn't help her, and how E1's parents are helping with therapy.

3. An unhurried outing with the girls. I got absolutely nothing ticked off my summer to do list, but we all had a good time. We spent money at Costco buying good things to eat, loading the cart while the girls followed my rule not to disappear and were able to stretch their legs. We followed that with a grown up lunch at Jason's Deli and the manager made the whole dining with three little people easier by meeting us at the door with a wheeled high chair and coming by to check on us. So what if they didn't eat a lot? At least it was fresh and healthy and we followed it with ice cream!

4. A challenging yoga class. I'm still chasing a good workout since my dance studio remains closed. I went for a Zumba/yoga double header at one of the local recreation centers. The Zumba class was horrible and I would have been better off with my DVDs or YouTube for all the energy there, but I guess it beat sitting on the sofa. The yoga class, however, was wonderful. Seriously, I've never thought of stretching my toes! I would like to do it again, but I want to be sure I don't wind up with that Zumba instructor ever again.

5. Amazon Prime Music. I'm enjoying it right now. Although I've not managed to get it to work on my mobile devices yet, I do enjoy it on the computer and I've already accessed a ton of playlists and music I had not heard in a long time.

6. Being invited by Springtime, Inc. to send in a picture of Abi to be featured in their 2015 catalog. I was so pleased with their Bug Off Garlic, which I chose for a natural alternative for pest control this year, that I wrote them. I received a letter asking to use my testimonial, a credit for $150, and a request for a picture of my 13-year-old Jack Russell who has gotten over her summer allergies since taking the supplement. That reminds me, I need to send one in.

7. Blackberries. Huge, fill up a bucket fast blackberries. Almost overripe, tasting like a burst of blackberry wine in my mouth blackberries. While a week ago I was worried that they would dry up instead of ripening, now I'm picking as often as I get a chance. I need to write just about blackberry picking, but suffice it to say I've done it as long as I can remember and it's always been a good thing for me. This year's crop just puts it over the top.

Now I've got to get going. There are dogs who need tending and berries that need picking, and that bag of cucumbers isn't fixing itself.