Wednesday, October 29, 2014

That Woman Again, But Only for a Moment

I went into the pharmacy the other day to pick up a few items and wound up in a lengthy conversation with the guy ahead of me in the checkout line.

He had noticed my car, which has a vinyl decal for my business in the window, and struck up a conversation that led to telling me where I could get a job making six figures because I was good looking, if I wanted another line of work, and then hitting on me and, as part of giving me the website for that other job, giving me his phone number.

I wasn't at all interested in the number. Even if I weren't happily married, he wasn't my type.

But for just a little while, I did imagine myself as that other woman -- the woman I used to be just six short years ago.

The woman who wore heels and dresses and makeup every day and who never left the house with her hair in a ratty pony tail, wearing a pair of dirty jeans or shoes with dog poop embedded in the soles.

The woman who knew she looked good and counted on it to make her job go better some days, instead of the one who was lean and hard and didn't give a crap because she spent her time with children and dogs who loved her regardless of her appearance.

I imagined having that kind of money and what I could do -- help my daughter out and make life easier for what remains of my family, support causes, save for the future.

I thought about driving a new company car and spending a lot of time on the road, instead of having two well worn vehicles that don't leave the driveway every day.

I imagined myself as that woman.

That woman wouldn't need a back seat full of child safety seats and Disney movies and trash from little people snacks. She wouldn't get up early to greet snuggly little people, who all too soon will be big and marching off to school. She might not have time for lazy afternoons chasing children around the yard, or just hanging out watching the guineas and laughing at the girls' attempts to mimic their crazy behavior. Her schedule would mean she couldn't always be there for a host of dogs and their families, or dogs without families who need a place to stay until a rescue can find them a foster or new home.

She probably wouldn't have days of freedom, where she could be crazy and take two Zumba classes and a yoga session if she wanted to, or sit home and knit and watch "Downton Abbey" all day. She would give up comfortable ties to life at a pace that doesn't depend so much on the world around her, but more on the needs of those closest to her.

It didn't take me long to know I didn't want to be that woman. Not for a six-figure salary. Not for a seven-figure salary. Not for all the money I might ever need.

I tossed the website and the phone number together.

I hope he won't be too disappointed.


  1. I loved this story and what it represents. Sounds like you know who you want to be and who you are!

    1. Ah, but the temptation was there. Not in the phone number, of course, but the idea of being "that" woman again. I used to like being her, but I don't think those clothes would fit me any more and I'm not talking about size.

  2. People say to me all the time, you must be so miserable. You sit home with your mother all day and do nothing. And I picture this miserable woman laying on the couch eating bons bons all day! I used to be the same woman you're talking about and THAT was the miserable life. Just because I am a disabled caregiver to my mom who has Alzheimer's definitely doesn't make me miserable. I love the fact that I take care of mom. That I know every night when I go to bed that she is well taken care of, safe and very much loved. It isn't a burden it is being able to payback all the love and devotion she has shown me her whole life. There are aspects of everyone's life that is great but I am very thankful for the life I lead...most of the time! So glad you are too! You deserve to live whatever life you want to live but I couldn't picture you as that girl anymore. You look better in dirty jeans, with the grand babies that you love and the dogs that is your life's mission. Happiness comes in all shapes and forms we just have to willing to look!

    1. Often other people's perspective is narrow and limited by their own experience. Honestly, before I was doing this, I would have said it would drive me crazy. (OK, honestly there are days I'm not sure it hasn't.) I do miss seeing other people, but I know my real rewards and the real work that satisfies me is right here at home.

  3. I'm with you! I wouldn't trade the work and the mess and the noise and the hugs and kisses for ANYTHING!!!

    1. Well, maybe for a nap sometimes... Like today. Not really. They're irreplacable.