What To Do When You're the One Who's Sick

Living with children during the cold and flu season is like playing Russian roulette.

No, seriously. You know if you play long enough, something is going to take you out. And you multiple the number of bullets in the gun by the number of children you're in close contact with.

I don't think the baby is really big enough to be picking up strangers' viruses yet, but I'm still spinning the chamber with two bullets in it and I was hit in early December with some sinus crap. Now there's a stomach bug making its way through the ranks now, apparently a norovirus, and I feel my days are numbered. I've cleaned my fair share of poop and puke in the last week and Mom has been sick as well. Although right now our focus is on the little people and getting them better, there's no guarantee that I've dodged the bullet as I'm often the last one to come down with whatever we're sharing.

So I dug up this draft from mid December, (I actually wrote most of it the morning of Dec. 15) when I was hit by our first virus of the season and when all the little girls and their parents had been sick.

Silly me. I thought I'd dodged the bullet that time as well. Then I got up a couple of days later feeling less than ideal. Actually, I woke before 5 a.m., two days running, just not feeling good. By the evening of the second day, I knew I was coming down with something and double dosing on Vitamin C and Zinc weren't going to save me.

You know that feeling when your body is just off. No real symptoms yet, and it's not like you could run to the doctor and get a preventative any way. Or a cure once you're actually sick. You do what you can to stay warm, take a little better care of yourself, and hope you can beat it off. Sometimes you do and you're likely to think you were just imagining feeling bad. Then there are the times you have to admit you're sick, can't get off the couch or you're going to die sick -- well, that is only an option if you're not the chief caretaker of little people who can't be expected to take care of themselves.

Moms can't take the day off from their children and unless I'm totally dysfunctional (an ear infection has done that once in the last four plus years), I don't take the day off from being Ma either. Generally, the little people roll in and I survive the day, although it may be touch and go by late evening.

Dealing with the virtually untreatable ailments of winter is one of the toughest battles most parents face. I know, we'd rather be sick than have to deal with sick children for a host of reasons. We know how bad we feel and have a larger selection of pharmaceuticals to treat our symptoms. When it comes to the children, we may never know exactly what hurts or how bad, and even then have a limited selection of doctor approved medications to dole out. While we may double dose ourselves into survival mode, we'd never do that to our children. And besides, when they're sick, we know it's just a matter of time because while we might manage to keep a germ away from them, they'll always share.

Even if parents had rather be sick themselves, it is the most miserable time. You cannot simply tell your child to leave you alone. No, you still have to care for them. You want to care for them. You're driven to care for them even when every fiber of your body screams for you to stay in bed. So you'll pull your chill-shaken body from beneath the blanket where you found a bit of comfort and fetch them a cup of juice. Or you'll hope the stomach virus doesn't hit too hard while you prepare them lunch. Ah, the joys of parenthood. Or in my case, grandparenthood.

So how do you cope when the children are jumping off the furniture and you've lost track of the baby because you just had to close your eyes for a second, even though you don't think you went to sleep?

For future reference, I looked for some ideas for when Mom (or Ma) is sick and toddler isn't. I think these are worth hanging onto, because winter is far from over.

1. TV time. Oh, I know, we hate the sound of children's shows sometimes and we don't like to count on television as a babysitter. But when the adult in charge is under the weather, relent. Depending on how sick you are and how good they are at entertaining themselves, consider using kids' shows or movies as an option. As long as you have good choices, it isn't always a bad thing.

2. Swap toys. Most children have more toys than they need to have out on a regular basis. You may have two toy boxes and keep one in backup reserve. Then you can rotate the toys on days you don't feel well. Another option is to dig the toys from the bottom of the box, where they've probably been forgotten, and reintroduce them.

3. Hide a few new toys. Seriously, what child doesn't get more than they need at every special occasion. Pick a toy that doesn't catch their eye quite as much during the gifting frenzy and put it away. We have birthdays this weekend, so we may have an opportunity to save a few items. When you need something new to entertain them, it will be there. Granted, you can do this with practically any toy that they don't play with on a regular basis simply by hiding it for a week or two. If by some miracle you don't need to pull them out, you can always celebrate the arrival of spring!

4. Take advantage of naptime. Well, if you're lucky enough that all your little ones still nap. Put yourself to bed when they lie down and don't get up until they do, regardless of what you might feel you need to do around the house.

5. Get the family pets involved. If you have a dog who likes to play fetch, let them play in the house as a treat for the child and dog. You may be surprised how long they are entertained and how much energy they burn, making naptime that much more effective.

6. Allow untraditional play. Does your toddler always want to pull out the tupperware and wooden spoons? Let them for a day. If you have something around the house that will entertain them that they aren't usually allowed to touch, but that is really safe, indulge them and take a break.

7. If you can talk, read to them. Most older preschoolers are willing to listen to way more books that you usually want to read, but since they don't take a lot of energy on your part, indulge them.

8. Be an obstacle course. This is best for baby or smaller children, and when you don't have a stomach bug. When you want to lie down, do it in the floor and let them crawl over you. E3 loves that now and she's not so big as to be uncomfortable. When her older sisters get into the game, however, they have to be reminded to be easy.

9. Get outdoors, if the weather permits and you feel up to it. Studies have shown that light exercise and fresh air help boost your immune system, so it may actually speed your recovery. If you have children, odds are good they have a few outdoor playthings that they can enjoy while you sit in the sun. Or, as an alternative, take a walk and the activity will warm you and tire your little one.

10. Ask for help. Oh, heaven forbid that we should admit we cannot do it all, but seriously, sometimes we can't. When Papi got home on the Friday I felt so bad, he inherited not only play, but discipline of E1 and E2. After getting tired of their bickering, he corrected them and they wound up snuggled on opposite sides of me, but at least the drama was over until Mom arrived. We do not have to be superhuman, just ask someone else to give you 30 minutes or an hour when you really need it. Maybe it's your partner, maybe a grandparent, or maybe another mom who will let you return the favor. Cut yourself a little slack and get well.

When you're sick and the little one isn't, it's really all about survival and getting better as quickly as possible, so take advantage of any trick in the book to get through the bad days. And remember that taking care of yourself is as important as taking care of them -- really -- because they can't have the best of you when you're not at your best.

A Change Will Do You Good

The last few days have been tough weatherwise. Unless you're lucky enough to live in some enviably sunny spot of the world, or are able to adequately entertain little people inside because you live in a gym or something, you'll know what I'm talking about. If not now, then at some point during the winter months.

I know there are probably people who are good parents and caregivers who don't take their children outside for running, screaming, and generally releasing of pent up energy, but I cannot imagine how. Especially with preschoolers. The bounce house, although a great rescue sometimes, isn't always up to the task for yet another day.

So despite the fact that Happy Meals are not the most nutritious dining option, and the toys in them any more are junk, sometimes you just have to bite the bullet and go to the McDonald's Play Place. Granted, I would try another option if there were one close by, but you go with what you've got.

It is beyond me why all the government funded, public recreation for children in my area has to 1)be outside or 2)involve a team sport. There is no such thing as an indoor playground, except for the one at McDonald's. Out of all the big, government buildings with large unused areas of space, no one has ever considered a bit of indoor recreation for the little people. What a waste.

So when I felt at my wit's end before my little people even arrived the other day, I called their mom and said let's meet at McDonald's. We all needed some play time.

Last winter we spent a lot of enjoyable Friday afternoons on the indoor playground. E2 was too small (she's still technically too young) to go through all of the different levels by herself. Since parents are allowed inside, although I can count on one finger the number of parents I've ever seen inside (and that was at a birthday party), we all played. I helped E2 up the steps and onto the different levels. We came down the slide like a bobsled team, with my legs as the sled. It was loads of fun for everyone.

I wasn't sure how it was going to play out with E3 joining the ranks, but I figured we'd cross that bridge when we came to it.

The bigger girls stormed the playground like a fortress in need of toppling. They had to be called back down the stairs to remove their boots and coats because they were just too eager to get going. Before baby and I had our things settled, E2 was popping out the end of the slide -- she'd grown taller over the summer and didn't need Ma's help.

After just a minute or two in the role of spectators, E3 and I decided to enter the fray. Ma got her workout for the day, let me tell you. E3 is weighing in at about 20 pounds, and I lugged her up the stairs like a mama chimp toting her baby. She was delighted with the views and the tunnels. The bigger girls crawled over and around her as they made their mad way around and around. Screaming was allowed, even encouraged, as long as it didn't get too out of hand.

The other children who came through while we were there initially gave me a funny look, but after our first meeting pretty much let it go. I was delighted that the girls remembered to ask the names of their playmates, and when the first little girl encountered the baby and knew her name, I figured they had introduced themselves as well.

We played for an hour before we took a potty break and had lunch. It was another hour before we loaded up and headed home. E3 was asleep in her car seat before I got her in the car and neither of the other two made it home awake, although both woke and then went back to sleep after we got home.

Other than a bit of ache in my shoulders (yes, I'm pretty sure it had to do with E3, because we made at least three trips through the playground, even though we mainly sat in the treehouse portion and played), even I felt better after the outing.

So once again I have to remind myself that the extra effort is worth it, not only for the sanity of little people, but for me. Sure, it would be easier and cheaper to stay home, but sometimes that just isn't the best choice. Like a lot of things in life, from socializing with friends to exercising, a little effort can carry a tremendous reward and make everyone involved feel better about life. Like my earlier discovery about having fun with adult friends, it shouldn't come as a surprise to me. (And yes, we've been socializing regularly with adults and enjoying it tremendously.)

Looks like, new little sister or not, to survive the winter we're going to have to resume some sort of outing schedule. Maybe the weather will allow us more options than McDonald's, but I think we'll take what we can get and have fun with it. I think that applies to more than just a Ma and three Es as well. Sometimes, a bit of change does everybody a lot of good.

The First Ballet -- Nutcracker, Of Course

Along about this time of year it often comes to the mothers of small children, particularly little girls, that it might be a good idea to take them to see The Nutcracker.

OK, so I'm basing my hypothesis on my own experience with the Es and their mom, but any way, last week she called me with the idea of going to see The Nutcracker.

It seemed logical as the girls are frequently taken by the idea of ballet and occasionally dance around the house in assorted tutus. At the same time, there is a conveniently located School of the Arts in Winston-Salem, which stages the holiday ballet each winter.

Then again, the bigger girls are only 2 and 4, so I thought a full staging of the production might be a bit much and suggested the local theater, which brings in a visiting ballet for a children's production each winter. As luck would have it, the day we debated the question was the final day advance tickets were on sale for the local production (smaller but cheaper as well) and the show was coming up that weekend. She was all in and invited my mother and I to join them as well.

On Sunday afternoon we assembled in our seats. The girls were excited, but E2 was skipping her nap, so a little on the edgy side. E1 had insisted on wearing her church clothes for the event and was completely adorable.

Now is the time for me to admit that I've never watched The Nutcracker in any form. The closest I get is enjoying some of the music from the Trans Siberian Orchestra at Christmas -- and I only know that because I did recognize some of the songs in a less jazzed up version during the production. Ballet, well, it probably is no more my thing than it is that of a 4-year-old. At the same time, I do have the patience to sit through some fairly lengthy, less than exciting things, thanks to years of covering governmental meetings.

Before the theater filled, the girls used a little excess energy running the aisles and checking out the seats. The theater at the Andy Griffith Playhouse, where Andy attended school 50 or 60 years ago, is the actual auditorium of the old Rockford Street School in Mount Airy. The stage is too small for a full ballet, but perfect for local theater. The seats are padded, as I'm sure they weren't in their school days. And the sounds and lights are first class for a small theater.

There was a bit of bustle over people getting seated and some confusion in front of us where it appeared there might be fisticuffs between some older folks over who got the seats. I didn't realize it was a such a hot ticket. E2 occasionally noted the appearance of shoes beneath the curtains and would loudly proclaim, "I see ballet slippers." Between those outbursts, she fidgeted.

Finally the lights went down, the narrator, who did double duty as a dancer, took the stage, and the show began. E1 claimed my lap and her sister sat on Mom so they could better see the stage. Act 1 covered a lot of territory, and by the time the curtains dropped, I wish I could say E1 was enthralled. Instead, as the narrator summed up what was to come in Act 2, she said quietly, "I wanna go home."

I told her I wanted to see the Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy, which she thought might have some appeal, and that the show would be over soon after that, so I thought we might tough it out. She agreed that we should stay. Next to us, E2 was faring no better, and I was doubly glad we hadn't opted for the full staged production and the longer drive.

The dancing was enjoyable and apparently inspiring as E1 now wants to take ballet, she says. All the same, Mom and I were both glad to release squirming children when the lights came up and the show, which had lasted less than 90 minutes was over. I'm not sure who of the four of us was most tired.

Afterwards, the girls had some memories of their first ballet and stories to tell. There will probably be dances and scenes that stick with them, bits and pieces they'll remember as fun. The fidgeting and unexciting spells will slip away from their memories quicker than they do ours.

It would be all too easy to say it was a wasted effort. The girls didn't experience the magic that we might have anticipated. But at the same time, I think sometimes as parents/grandparents we set our own expectations too high.

I still remember early Christmases with my firstborn, when I was so eager for her to have the magic and be excited, and it was really my excitement and dreams of magic that pulled me from the bed at an indecently early hours. By the time she was old enough to be excited, I was ready to sleep in (OK, only until 7 or so).

Remembering the things that don't go as we planned, or hearing other's tales of disaster, can easily dissuade us from trying new things or repeating an experience. It shouldn't and, thanks in no small part to my daughter's hard-headed nature, probably won't. Next year, while they will still be E1 and E2, they will also be a year older and in many ways totally different children from who they were this year. They'll have memories to build on, and perhaps there will be less squirming and more "Ahhs."

Another year or so down the road, we may all be ready for the full stage production and eager to appreciate an orchestra and full cast, things that would have been wasted on us this year and might have made the experience enough to dissuade us from trying again.

As it is, we'll probably tack The Nutcracker into our holiday plans moving forward. And E1 is still talking about ballet lessons.

Tumbling Along

Once a week, the routine at my house centers around getting little people fed, rested, and out the door for an evening of gymnastics.

We've been doing this for nearly two years since my daughter decided E1 needed an outlet for all her energy. She's the kind of kid you want to be sure of keeping insurance and a close watch on. The kind who walks off porches without guard rails, climbs outside the safety net on the trampoline, sits on tables and runs on benches. When she's a little older she'll probably want to skateboard and do a lot of tree climbing.

So Mom found a gymnastics studio and enrolled 2-year-old E1 in a parent-tot class, or in our case a grandparent-tot class. Toting E2, who was about a year old when we started, we set out on our gymnastics journey at Flyers.

That first year we were in a class with a lot of dedicated parents, a few boys and a group of girls who had all been at it at least six months longer than E1. They were a great group of role models for a pair of beginners.

At the same time, they often made me feel like what we were doing was a supreme waste of time and money, other than tiring out all three of us. Even I know the value of that for the mother of two toddlers, and it gave us somewhere to go. Since that was practically the only place I went every week, I didn't put up a fuss.

The class begins with running to warm up the body, followed by some floor stretches and jumps, then sessions on the mats, bars, and balance beam. Trying to convince a 2-year-old to follow the coach's directions and lead was the biggest struggle we frequently faced. Like the other duos, we ran together, did the floor exercises together, and then I walked the mats with her to help her with her rolls, handstands and jumps. When we moved to the bars, I did the not-too-heavy lifting to get a tiny girl up to a bar and help her with moves such as walking her hands across the bar, or pulling her feet up beside her hands. The balance beam was more lifting and help.

You can see where I wound up as tired as they did.

Much of the first few months felt very frustrating. Other than some good, cold weather exercise, I didn't see where it was getting us anywhere. Then E1 fell in love with the balance beam. I'm not sure how it happened or exactly when, but she went from walking with my arms loosely encircling her to doing it on her own. At the end of year "Gold Medal Day," which is essentially a recital, she walked the balance beam unassisted and when she fell on her second trip across, she practically earned a standing ovation by deciding to go back and start over.

It no longer felt quite so frustrating.

The second year she was one of the leaders, taking the place of those older children who had moved up. That didn't mean she stayed focused, or always remembered to stay in line for her turn, or could do the monkey walk, handstand or backward roll by herself, but she was beginning to get it. Instead of chasing her, I was chasing E2 who some nights made it her life's mission to see how much chalk she could get in, or how much candy she could find in the coach's office. At the same time, there were class members not much more into it than E2, so I didn't always feel too bad.

By the end of the year, E1 had mastered crossing the bar -- something I would not be able to do, and my support role was pretty well reduced to handstands and backwards rolls.

I guess at about that time I began wishing there was a class for adults. You think I'm joking, but I never mastered the backward roll in school. Never even came close. It was just one of those things I couldn't do that I accepted along with the list of things I wasn't allowed to do.

The "not allowed" list was pretty extensive. My dad took overprotection to a ridiculous level and still yells at children when they run. That was the first thing we weren't allowed to do. In the yard of all places, for crying out loud. Needless to say, bicycles were on that list until I was a teenager. I learned to ride a bike at 13. Roller skates were always on that list. I finally learned to skate a little in my 30s after finding a pair of in-line skates my size at Goodwill, but I'll never have the skill that I always wanted. And denied trees as a child, I climb a lot of trees now. If it weren't for dogs and walking, I'm pretty sure I would have been obese.

So yes, learning to do a backward roll and some of the simple moves E1 does with ease might help vanquish some of those "can't" ghosts that still linger. In an effort to perform my own exorcism, I do a lot of the moves with her when we're away from class, tumbling on the trampoline, or swinging from the bars on playgrounds. And I envy her the strength and confidence she already possesses at 4 that I'm not sure I ever had in my childhood.

This year we're back to square one, so to speak. E1 is in the preschool class and winging it on her own or with the help of coach and some of the older girls who help out. It's me and E2 making the rounds and I'm back to just surviving and often wanting to quit as I'm corralling my tot and toting E3 at the same time. The interest E2 took in her older sister's activities, however, means she can already do a lot of the moves. If she can stay in line and focused. I'm already dreading round 3 with the baby in a couple of years.

At the same time as the outings exhaust and frustrate me, I don't want to stop. I know how important it is to encourage activity and to help kids find something they enjoy, whether it is eventually gymnastics or another team sport, an organized class like karate or dance, or something they do on their own like skateboarding or yoga. Unlike when I was a child, when books and Saturday morning TV were about the only alternatives, kids today have 24/7 TV and video games, either of which can prove to be a fatal attraction if they don't enjoy some kind of exercise as well. Add to that the burden of school work in a few years, and the time it requires and takes from physical activity, compounded by working parents who are hard pressed to cook meals, monitor snacks and run kids to events, and it's no wonder our nation's children are so often overweight.

I don't know that I'm getting any gold medal contenders started with our weekly trips to gymnastics, but I do know that I'm encouraging them to be active. While it's harder than sitting in front of a couple of hours of Nickelodeon or even letting them wreck the playroom again, I know in the long run it's better for all of us.

In the years to come they'll have the strength, confidence, and yes, balance, that they learn in these early gymnastics classes to use in taking on whatever activity they choose to participate in. And I'll not only burn a few calories by helping out, but know I did something important as well.

And I might even learn to do a backwards roll -- if I don't hurt myself.

Apple Cider? Don't Try This At Home

Monday morning rolled around with all the high drama and expectations that a week apart could provide. The girls were back, arriving in a whirlwind of forgotten items, stuffed animals, diaper bags and regal requests.

I, however, had an activity already planned that was sure to eat up some of our pre nap time and provide entertainment and sustenance. At least, that was the plan.

Note to self: Juicers are not all they are cracked up to be. Even with the best efforts of one grandmother and two excited children, you could die of thirst before you make enough apple juice for everyone.

But not to give away the story.

Near the house there is an old apple tree. I have no idea what type of apple it might be. Suffice it to say the tree is old and untended with dead branches and undergrowth. It is, however, located on the side of the road where apples fall and land in the ditch, roll onto the pavement, and generally accumulate in a way that attracts an assortment of wildlife. We frequently gather a handful when we pass and eat them while walking. Even the baby, E3, likes to gnaw on one with her few teeth.

I had been lamenting the lack of a cider mill to put all those wonderful apples to use. For a cider mill, I would have been able to gather the juicy fruits, toss them in and emerge with a beverage to enjoy. As it was, I happened to remember a juicer I had not previously put to use. Over the weekend I informed E1, who rode with me to church on Sunday, that we'd make apple juice. It was a much anticipated event, at least on my behalf.

When E3 went to her room for a pre-lunch reset (sometimes she naps and she has a while to collect herself for the afternoon), we managed to get lunch in the oven and grabbed a bucket to collect apples. The apples are organic (around here that means deer apples because they're wormy, but it's all in the marketing), so we filled the bucket with water to take care of unwelcome guests while we ate.

Finally, with lunch out of the way we pulled out the juicer and discovered its most serious flaw. While I didn't think it would accept whole apples, I was dismayed that it would only take really tiny slices. Not to be dissuaded we soon developed a system for juicing.

I sliced the apples and E2, sometimes aided by an overanxious E1, put the slices in the top of the juicer.

E2 took her job seriously and was very good at it. Although occasionally, to the delight of both girls, the whirling blades would send a slice of apple shooting back out the top and ricocheting around the cabinet.

E1 had the job of pushing the slices down once the feeding tube was loaded. While she was willing to infringe on her sister's role, she didn't let her task fall into anyone else's hands.

The problem was not in the process, which they found delightful. It was the product, which despite the super juicy apples, was lacking in quantity. In fact, we had accumulated a large bowl of stems and scraps long before reaching two cups of juice. I decided we had enough to sample and since I was going to need to get rid of the compost, called the experiment to an end.

They didn't mind.

Both enjoyed sampling the fruits of their labors, although had they been thirsty we'd have been lacking. And we still have a bucket of apples -- not for future juicing, but we may enjoy an afternoon snack another day.

Oh, and E3, well, she finally discovered a use for all those corks I've been saving.